Is therapy for me?
It’s a great question.
Implict in this question, I often find doubt that talking about problems will do any good. Drudging up the past, reexamining old wounds… what is the point? It’s over — move on.
Some people worry about taking up unnecessary space, or feel undeserving of support. It wasn’t that bad — I shouldn’t ask for help.
Some may not trust therapists, or balk at the stigma associated with mental illness. There’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need a therapist to make me feel bad about myself. Others may see therapists as an outsider who should not have access to the intimate details of their lives. All of these reasons, if they’re yours, are legitimate, and you are ultimately the only person who can answer this question for yourself.
Here, I’d like to discuss some common misconceptions about therapy so you can make a more informed choice about whether or not it’s for you.
There’s no point in talking about the past.
Many people feel this way. Many people survive this way — Push through, survive, move on. I wish that was enough. However, we know that even after it’s over, the past still affects us. So much of what can make life fulfilling — how we engage with the world, how we perceive ourselves, how we feel, how we conduct relationships — is substantially shaped by our past experiences. The patterns forged in our past, even those so automatic and essential we don’t realize we’re enacting them, have the power to constrain our choices in the present. The impulse to move on from the past is a noble one, but I find that usually, the only way to move on is to move through.
2. I don’t know why I want therapy, so it won’t help me.
It’s okay not to know why. Sometimes people want therapy because they have a general sense something is wrong, but they are unsure what that is. Sometimes, people approach therapy with no clear goals in mind, maybe a desire to “check under the hood” or a hope some nebulous suffering or discomfort will improve. These are all legitimate. My process is about helping you understand yourself better, and that can include discovering the “why” as you go.
3. I don’t want some therapist telling me I’m wrong.
Me either. Therapy should never be a space where the person who is asked to be most vulnerable, the client, is made to feel inferior or talked down to. Seeking support requires true courage, and you deserve to address your concerns in a way that is dignified and that honors the challenging work you’re doing. I would encourage you to imagine what kind of contribution therapy could make to your life if you could trust that therapy would be a secure space for you. If you believe it would be helpful, then it may be worth it to see if there’s a therapist out there who’s a good fit. That therapist might be me, they might be someone else, but you are worth the investment.
4. It wasn’t that bad. I shouldn’t ask for help.
I understand feeling this way. I think many people do. Implicit in this, sometimes, is the idea that whatever we experienced in the past was not “bad enough,” or didn’t measure up to some standard of misfortune that would validate seeking support. I can tell you, from my experience, that this standard doesn’t really exist. Whatever you think is “bad enough,” I promise there are people out there who have survived exactly that thing and still think they don’t deserve help because someone else endured “worse” than them. There is no standard of suffering that differentiates people who deserve support from people who don’t. You deserve a life that is fulfilling, and if therapy can help you have that, I hope you’ll consider it.